Beyonce Trinidad Concert rundown

Now I'm aware that I'm a bit late with this report seeing as the concert was quite Thursday and everyone from Rachel Price to the newspapers has given their two cents on the 'quality' of the show. If this was a novel, I would probably let you wait till the end to discover what I thought of Bmobile's money-making scam but seeing as I'm a blogger and I mostly really care that you've arrived at this page, I'll do us both a favour and give my verdict now: Beyonce gave a great, 'packaged' performance, Machel gave an ok performance having been shot in the foot by his sponsors Bmobile and the 'number one mobile network' threw one of the worst concerts I've had the displeasure of witnessing recently in terms of organization and basic amenities. Now on to the details.

So we bounced in the concert around 6:20pm , my sis and I, since we're both big Machel fans and even though I real bun him down last season for some weird diva-style behaviour and his self-inflicted, tartarus-style punishment of pushing "Wild Ants" like a boulder up chancellor hill, I must admit he was missed this carnival and I wanted to see what he was coming with.

As we got in general I noticed that I was hearing but not seeing Mr. HD (which is a paradox if you really think about it) which started to bubble in me the feeling of being robbed my concert money. One carib later, I noticed that there actually were screens for our viewing but Face, one of the taller people in most situations could only see the top of Machel's head. Not cool.

Needless to say, when Machel asked the unwittingly ironic question that he's been asking for a greater part of this decade "Allyuh enjoying allyuh selves?" he was met with a resounding "boooooo" to which I asked a lady on my right "What we booing him for again?". She replied "Boooooooo, we booing cause we cyah see him" and then tiptoeing I saw Machel for a second giving an expression like somebody 'Destraed' him and re-stole Kernal Roberts. And I felt like damn, it must suck to get booed in front your own crowd for something that has nothing to do with you.

After that booing, we as general, the riff-raff of the ish decided that Bmobile's organizers really didn't give a damn about Machel and booing him was not going to enable us to see the screen so we changed tactic. We started chanting "Raise de screen" in protest, not unlike the now indispensable procedure of getting portable water in communities and in a timing we were given a portion of our money's worth and allowed to see the screen which also disallowed me from scaling the fence to vip in 'protest'. Shucks.

Once the screen was raised people were still vexed but Machel wisely got into "Jumbie" and "One More Time" and people waist started to loosen up and hands started to ascend. This climaxed with a cloaked figure joining Machel for "It's Carnival" which happened to be none other than Destra fresh from pregnancy and giving me my only pores-raising moment for the night. Ah cyah wait to see you next Carnival Destra.



After that Jason and Blaze took the stage and introduced the deejay Titan who started, like any normal deejay two days after carnival would, by getting the party in a gear with some good soca music. Then, for a reason so strange that they probably have a team of ninjas and a cyclops guarding it, Titan was admonished and commanded to play "Ole School" which in his mind resulted in the slowest and most glacial songs I have ever heard in my life. Apparently this was part of the 'vibes up' process for Beyonce.

Then abruptly, somewhere between my fifth yawn and my mind turning to slush Beyonce appears on stage with a superhuman-like stage presence making it impossible not to feel hyped as she walks out wearing her trademark something but nothing on. Beyonce thighs real strong fuh real; I think that's what I was thinking mostly at that point. Most of the crowd disgruntlement is forgottend as this juncture.

Another thing I noticed is that Beyonce is like, if it existed, an alpha female. The girls in the concert had expressions on their faces of being under total mind control, even the ones who would make snarky comments year round about the authenticity of Beyonce's body parts. Beyonce's voice never wavers or ever sounds out of breath even as she prances, dips and cavorts all over the stage. It's like amazing. Beyonce's performance ended with "Halo" and fireworks that would have made people think it was Independence if they weren't of better quality.

So things to work on Bmobile:
1) Do not place viewing screen where it cannot be viewed.
2) Have more respect for local artistes especially the ones that you're paying to endorse you.
3) Place lights in toilet area so people can see what they're doing and preferably not get robbed/raped.
4) Place toilet paper in toilet facility especially when KFC is on sale.
5) You are allowed to decorate your flagship Beyonce event so it looks like one.
6) I know dis out your control but the myriad of gay men in the front was a scene.
7) Provide water for hand washing after toilet use. This is basic in fetes these days.
8) Do not ever play what was played during Titan's set ever again in any public event.
9) There are ways to control savannah dust.
10) KFC in fete good, KFC service in a fete...not so much.

And that's it. Face out.